


The Talk

by MultiGay_Yuh



Series: Saphael ;) [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Demisexual Raphael Santiago, Gay Disaster Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Is A Freewheeling Bisexual, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Raphael is not Asexual, SO, and, and im literally bored out of my mind, but mostly just Magnus being Magnus, hes demisexual, idek, kind of a crack fic, so heres a piece of shit, that my mind pulled together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 14:26:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18942826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiGay_Yuh/pseuds/MultiGay_Yuh
Summary: Magnus gives Raphael, "the talk." The extremely embarrassing sex talk, That Raphael was not prepared for.





	The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> You can't judge me rn  
> Its like 4 am so bite me

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* * *

 

Magnus knew it was going to be awkward, but Raphael was like a son too him and this was the first time he'd ever seen him in a relationship. Magnus could tell they were getting more serious, and Magnus knew that he had to give Raphael "the talk." Yes the horribly embarrassing sex talk that everybody dreads to get but it had to be done.

But of course Magnus was Magnus, he couldn't  _just give_ the talk he had to put his own  _touch_ to it.

Raphael came over to Magnus' loft expecting dinner and the normal small talk he had always had with him. Instead Magnus brought out a plate, with a purple dildo on it. Raphael didn't even have words, but the look on his face was enough for Magnus to start his talk.

"You see that?" Magnus began.

"Yes, I see the purple dick on my plate, I'm just confused as to why its there." Raphael said, astonishment still painted all over his face.

"Its there because I'm trying to show you what you're gonna get when you have sex with Simon." Magnus explained with a straight face.

"What the actual fuck Magnus." Raphael said, his voice suprisingly not raised.

"I'm just giving it to you straight, this is what you're gonna see so you can't be suprised, besides the fact that its purple. I hope that's not what you see." Magnus rambled then snapped his fingers and a tube of lube appeared on the plate next to the dildo.

"Oh my God Magnus, you're not actually fucking doing this." Raphael stared wide eyed at the plate before him.

"That is a needed item and it's very important, so yes I am doing this." Magnus said seriously.

"Magnus please stop." Raphael pleaded.

"No this is imp-." As if on cue Alec swooped in to save the day as he came back home after his day at work.

When Alec came into the kitchen to greet his husband he stopped and did a double take at the plate that sat in front of Raphael.

"What the hell kind of ChooseMyPlate is that?" Alec exclaimed.

"I'm giving him the talk Alexander." Magnus said in a blank tone.

"Oh my God, Raphael please go enjoy dinner wih your boyfriend, Magnus has lost his damn mind. I'm so sorry about this." Alec said waving his hand around to gesture everything that was going on.

"Gladly." Raphael sighed as he stood up and before he walked out the front door he said, "By the way, me and Simon have already had sex y'know."

"What the hell is wrong with you, he was disturbed out of his mind." Alec told his husband after Raphael had gone out the door.

"If he's so disturbed, he shouldn't be having sex." Magnus said.

"If Asomodeus put a purple dick on a dinner plate and served it to you, would you be disturbed?" Alec asked him quirking up an eyebrow.

"You have a point.." Magnus said with a wince.

"Oh my God, I must've weirded the shit out of him." Magnus said realizing his preposterous idea as a laugh tumbled out of his mouth.

"Hey, you had a Dad moment, its okay." Alec said kissing his lovers forhead.

"Speaking of Dad's, I want a baby." Magnus let out.

"Let's adopt a baby then." Alec said smiling and kissing Magnus on the lips.

"Okay." Magnus said satisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> Dont even ask okay.  
> Im sleep deprived  
> I'll question myself in the morning.  
> -Natalie♡


End file.
